This is the second post in a series dealing with the five stages of grief based on the Kubler-Ross Model.

We have all heard of the Five Stages of Grief, but how does one navigate the stages when faced with an unrelenting chronic illness, such as Hypertrophic Olivary Degeneration? In this series, we will address each stage and reiterate that grieving is not a linear process. In short, it is likely that you will not experience each stage only once. Even less likely to conquer the stages in any particular order. Our second stop on this journey is Anger.

Why is Anger The Second of The Stages of Grief?

Anger is the easiest and most accessible of all emotions. It is a primal urge to lash out against all that seems unfair. Shaking fists at the sky while screaming “WHY ME?” is a completely natural initial response to receiving an incurable diagnosis. The added layer of complexity with a rare disease with no treatments or cures makes it even more accessible! There are so many things to be angry at. The lack of research. Ignorance of the medical community and the rampant misinformation that they provide. No accessible treatments. The list goes on and on.

According to Psychology Today, “Anger is one of the basic human emotions, as elemental as happiness, sadness, anxiety, or disgust. These emotions are tied to basic survival and were honed over the course of human history.” Some folks have a difficult time expressing or even just feeling anger. Perhaps they were trained as a child that anger is a bad or unworthy emotion. Or, on the other extreme, maybe they allow their anger to easily turn into unprovoked violence. Anger, when kept in check, is an important emotion that we should allow ourselves to feel, but not necessarily act on. It makes sense that this is one of our initial emotions (usually), because of the prospects of what we are losing. This could be our occupation or our vision of the future. Maybe it is the ability to do all of the things that you used to be able to do. Or losing the freedom to do things that were taken for granted before the diagnosis. No matter the cause(es), it is the first step in the process, and it is completely normal.

How Can You Use Anger to Your Benefit?

Although it can be uncomfortable to sit with your anger, it can definitely be a driving factor for change. When I was first diagnosed, I used my anger and sense of unfairness to create the Hypertrophic Olivary Degeneration Association (HODA). The channeling of my anger created an organization to help many other people like me, angry at the idea that I am saddled with this disease with absolutely no way out of it. My anger forced me to advocate for myself and create boundaries to protect what I have left. Anger allowed me to see that there is very little worth sacrificing my good days for. I am much more choosy in my associations and how I spend my time.

Anger can power you through Vestibular Physical Therapy or Swallow Therapy. It can help to find the will to ‘beat this’, or at least learn to manage the symptoms. Although Anger is a powerful emotion that can be harnessed and redirected to work for you, it is not a good idea to stay in the emotion for long periods of time. Seeking therapy with a professional who specializes in chronic illness is a great place to help you work through the feelings that just won’t let you move forward on your journey. The goal is to get to acceptance, and getting stuck in any one emotion is not a good place to be. Therapy is an excellent tool for EVERYONE.

Next up: Bargaining

As we continue on our journey of the five stages, we will be visiting bargaining next.