This is the first post in our series dedicated to the Stages of Grief, according to the Kubler-Ross Model

The first stage of grief is (usually) Shock and Denial. That makes sense, right? Who among us can say that their first thought wasn’t “this can’t be happening”? The shock and denial phase tends to quickly give way to anger, so we don’t seem to get stuck here very often. When the doctor tells you that you have Hypertrophic Olivary Degeneration (HOD), it can feel like time is going in slow motion. Then a wave of numbness washes over you when you are told that there are no treatments or cures. Those are tell-tale signs of shock, my friends. Soon, you may find yourself asking the doctor, “Are you sure?”

As a front-line supporter of the newly diagnosed, I have seen shock and denial many times first hand. There is almost nothing mor heart-rending that having to be the person to break through this phase with someone. We have often heard that the doctors say that it will ‘go away on its own’…the HOD, that is. Even if a person is past this first stage, once we inform them that HOD will be with them for the rest of their lives, we can see the shock and denial stage resurface. Contrary to the popular belief, the stages of grief are not linear or cyclical. Often, we can jump back and forth between the five stages and revisit stages that we have already been through. The ultimate goal is to get to acceptance, but even then something can happen to send us right back to denial.

What is Shock? What is Denial?

When we refer to shock, we are speaking of psychological shock. This is not a life threating event. Health Line tells us that “Psychologic shock is caused by a traumatic event and is also known as acute stress disorder. This type of shock causes a strong emotional response and may cause physical responses as well.” According to Health Central, “Denial is the stage that can initially help you survive the loss. You might think life makes no sense, has no meaning, and is too overwhelming. You start to deny the news and, in effect, go numb.” This initial stage serves as the proverbial jumping off point into the stages of grief. As the old joke goes…Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt!

So, How Can We Get Past The Shock And Denial?

The first step is to recognize that you are in shock and denial. Feelings include (but are not limited to):

• Confusion
• Avoidance
• Fear
• Excitability

Next, you may want to consider researching or reading up on what you can find about the diagnosis. It is important to stay with reputable sources, such as PubMed, NIH or a patient advocacy organization (such as HODA). Seek out community and talk to people who have already been diagnosed and are living with the condition. Talk about your feelings with a trusted friend, family member or a therapist who specializes in chronic illness. Soon enough, you will be moving on to the next step in your journey!

Next Up: Anger

Although the experience of living through the stages of grief is rarely linear or cyclical, we will address each stage in the Kubler-Ross model as they are listed. Be sure to subscribe to our blog to receive the next post in your inbox!